Starting my journey...

My husband and I married in June 2007.  From the moment we were married, we decided to start trying to have our family.  I just laugh now, looking back, at how we thought we could be pregnant right away.  We galavanted around Philly with our friends pretending that I was preggers and told the waiter on our honeymoon to get me a "virgin strawberry daiquiri" because we were sure I had a little one growing inside me.  And of course, we had to buy all of those cute little onesies with our sports teams on it, because we surely would need them soon! The mentality of our society is: date, fall in love, get married and have kids.  Easy... done.  Too bad nobody said having kids could be a difficult and almost insurmountable task... at least for some of us.  It seems like everybody I know has no problem- that's why it's so hard to relate to others.  Nobody that I know seems to know what I am going through, which makes me feel very alone.
Well, I have many things that are inhibiting me from getting pregnant.  I'll make it brief: endometriosis (I've had 5 laparoscopies and 1 laparotomy), antibodies that my body makes which kills DH's (dear huband) sperm, low AMH (.08- basically, I have a VERY limited egg supply and it is diminishing fast), and most recently, a uterine fibroid. 
So far, we have done clomid, 3 IUI's, 2 cancelled IVF's, and one failed IVF- all in a span of almost 4 years.  Oh, and did I mention that DH is absolutely fine- actually, the nurses say his sperm is "excellent".  Doesn't that make me feel great... pretty much, it is my fault that we don't have children.  That's not a lot of pressure or anything..
I could probably write a book about everything that has happened so far... kinda wished I had started my blog when we first started trying.  Who would've thought it would take this long, though.. too bad I didn't have a magic ball that could look into the future. :-/

Biggest fear comes true...

Hi everyone! My name is Kim and I hope I can share the highs and lows of being on this infertility roller coaster that I was forced to be on.  Don't get me wrong, I love roller coasters, but being on this one was my biggest fear in life. Those that are close to me can tell you that my goals in life were: to go to Penn State (check), be a teacher (check), get married (check), and have 6 kids.... (negative).  As I got older, I changed my number to 4 kids, but now I'm hoping to have just one.  It's funny how when you're younger, you have all of these dreams and goals but nobody tells you that they may not come true.  And what do you do when those dreams are shattered?  Out of all the dreams I listed, the #1 thing I wished for more than anything was to be a mom.  Now, I'm afraid... that dream will never come true.  I want people to know that they are not alone and hope they can find some comfort in my journey.