"It just happened"

A few years into my journey, I heard from people that they knew someone who knew someone who had stopped trying and just like magic, they were pregnant. I used to think it was a bunch of bull and what people said to infertiles. The past few years I have actually talked to reliable people who have confirmed that after years of fertility treatment they stop and get pregnant. Just today, of coure at work, a spouse is pregnant (so that'll make 6) after having difficulty getting preggers with their second. She did clomid and it wasn't working. I would like to say this is all wonderful but I am really infertile... Lots of problems here. It's not going to be as simple as, "Let's stop trying." Honestly, after 5 years we have seemed to stop trying the conventional way anyway. It seems to just be a means to an end that obviously can't be fulfilled. I just get more frustrated because I wish I could just live a normal life and have good things happen to us. But it just doesn't seem to be happening. :-( 

The announcements are never-ending..

As I said in the last post, I cannot get away from all things babies... I just spent most of the night bawling my eyes out, questioning my purpose in life.  I went to work in my room today and a fellow teacher told me that one teacher (who is new and who works in our grade level) is pregnant.  She said she didn't know if I wanted to know before it was known to everyone else.  It's never easy to find out- but I think it is better for me to know then be caught off guard.  At least, with this one, hopefully, I can avoid any announcements or surprises.  This will make 5 maternity leaves at my school.  This is probably the hardest.  Usually, it wouldn't be because I don't really know her.  But, since she's working in my grade level, I'm going to have to see her constantly, every single day.  I'll see her belly grow and hear everyone talk excitedly about her pregnancy.  I'm feeling like this is not going be a good year... :-(

Pregnancy & Babies.... All Around Me....

Just wanted to update everyone.  I've gone back to work and it's been really hard.  Not only was it made known that my school has "several maternity leaves" this year, one of them was announced in front of the ENTIRE school corporation staff... half of who is pregnant.  I just don't understand how people can pop them out like it is nothing - one after the other- and here I am... with nothing to show for.  It just breaks my heart so much.  I feel like I can't go one day without having to see or hear about somebody's pregnancy or baby.... Urgh! It is so frustrating.  :-(   The one thing I don't want to talk about or see is all around me and I can't get away....

Friendships

I just came back from a great lunch with friends that I've met along my journey.  So, I thought I'd blog a little about friendship and how it's changed for me, as I go through infertility.  There are some really wonderful people that I have met and would not have otherwise met if I wasn't on this path.  I am grateful to be their friends, but sad about the circumstances.  They are such a great support system and if you haven't gone to an infertility support group, I strongly encourage it.  Even though I feel alone at times, I never do when I talk to others who have been through the same thing.  I've been going for over a year now and it has positively affected me and in some ways, made me stronger.

Here's the bad side about my existing friendships before I went through infertility: they seem to be rapidly depleting.  It's funny how they say it takes a crisis to know who your true friends... I've learned the hard way that there is much truth to that.  Most of my friends have gone on to start their families and seem to leave me behind.  I can count on one hand those that have been supporting me throughout my journey.  Just asking me, "How are you?" is enough for me.  But, people don't even ask me that.  They just pretend like nothing's happening and thank God that it's me, not them, who is struggling.  Even some that have struggled with their own fertility seem to leave me in the dust after they "overcome" it.  It makes me sad because it seems like most people only want to be your friend when your life is going great.  Friends should be there for you, no matter what, especially in a time when you feel alone and devastated that your life isn't going as planned.  So, here's my advice for those of you that have infertile friends: Don't just say you're there for them... Show them that you're there and that you care.  Ask them how they are feeling.  Lend a listening ear.  Be a shoulder to cry on.  They need you now more than ever...