Here's another one...

Here's one of those depressing times that seem to ruin my whole day.  I'm a teacher and like to go into my classroom in the summer to get some work done... (I don't have any kids and have seemed to have lost a lot of friends, so it seems logical to do).  Well, anyway, usually there's nobody there except those who are doing summer school.  I had to walk around the school to different locations and on my way back to my room, in the hallway, I hear a teacher telling another teacher, she's having a little "bambino" in February. As soon as I heard it, I wanted to walk the other way because I was heading right towards them, but I couldn't!! So, as I walked past the two of them, they were hugging.  It was sooo awkward.  I didn't say anything but "hello" (I mean, it wasn't even my conversation) and that was even more awkward.  I'm sure she wouldn't have said anything if she had known I was right behind her.  But, of course, with my luck, there I was, to be one of the first to hear the news.  I was debating whether to go to our staff retreat right before school starts.  I didn't go last year because I knew they were going to announce a pregnancy.  Currently, with this new one, we have 3 young pregnant women at our school.  I e-mailed my principal right away and told him I wouldn't be there.  For those of you that understand, I can not go to that social gathering.  They will probably announce this new pregnancy and the other ones will have baby bumps and that's what everyone will talk about the whole time... I mean, it's a bunch of women.  What else can they talk about other than their kids? Then, I will go home and cry the rest of the night feeling sorry for myself and then feeling bad that I feel sorry for myself.  I feel so defeated when this happens because it reminds me of how much I've failed.  I don't understand how it can be so easy for everybody, except for me.  Is there some kind of magic potion that nobody is telling me about?  I mean, think I understand how it works, but maybe I'm missing something.. :-/

To add to the fire... got my letter that I requested from my fertility specialist today stating my troubles with conceiving and indicating that donor eggs is my best chance at getting pregnant...