Even after 5 years, I still question, "Why me?" It doesn't get any easier, at least for me it hasn't. Many people say that you should have faith and there is a reason for why I am not able to have a child. I would like to know what that reason is. It has been really hard for me to keep my faith and I feel as though I have done everything right in my life. What could I have possibly done to not be able to have my own family? Why does God hate me? These are questions I ask myself because it's hard to understand why I am in this position. There have been several dates in which I have found out I wasn't pregnant: Christmas, the day my nieces were born, the day before Thanksgiving, and on the day of our 5th wedding anniversary, which you could say was also the day we started to try for a family. Honestly, how messed up is that?! Those are supposed to be happy days and instead, I am left grieving my own failures. I used to believe in signs, but if I believed in signs, what would this tell me? Nothing good, I don't think...
And here's something else that makes me angry and leaves me boggled.. http://www.wthr.com/story/18972358/four-month-old-found-dead-in-car-in-greenfield
http://www.wthr.com/story/18975236/toddler-rescued-from-hot-suv-released-from-hospital
Both are careless parents who had no regard for their own children. Again, how is that fair? I know that life can be unfair sometimes, but there are times where it's just too much to take...
Hey Kim!! It's Keri-Ann from ICFI (under a pseudonym, of course...) you should be able to follow my link/name to my own blog. Mine is anonymous "just in case" anyone IRL comes across it...
ReplyDeletebut anyways - as for your post. I TOTALLY get how you feel. When I heard of those two poor babies this week...it just makes you beyond angry that people STILL do this...you almost want to ask if they were TRYING to kill their babies on purpose. :(
We've only been at this for 2.5 years and I've been asking the "why me" question almost since the beginning. Oh how I wish I had an answer. It's so hard to accept that there IS no reason that I didn't do anything wrong - even though I know I/we didn't. sigh...
Thanks for commenting Keri-Ann! I will definitely check out your blog too. I really don't understand people and why they are given the beautiful gift of a child and why they take advantage of it... so sad...
DeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have only been at this for just under 2.5 years, but I totally get your feelings.
I know it doesn't help a lot, but do know you're not alone in this. We really are a "silent sorority". We seem to be rather exclusive, too ;)
-Dezarae
It does help to know that I am not alone even though I feel like it most of the time! Thanks Dezarae!
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